Maybe I should update this blog - huh?

Yet again - it's been too long since I've updated here...  Life happens, I guess.

My healthy journey comes n' goes...  For the last 2 months - my work out space has been interrupted - at best, so I am trying to deal with that in other healthy ways...  Mostly walking - as a knee injury this spring halted my running - and I am still a bit afraid to test those waters again.  Walking doesn't feel like it's a big enough work out for me, and I am missing my other forms of working out - in a bad way.  It's been integrated into my life for 4 years now, and I can't wait to get back to it - hopefully this week.  My eating has been less than stellar - at least over the last 2 weeks...  As we are eyebrow deep in our kitchen remodel, and food prep has come to a total halt - which means a lot of eating out and eating easy to prepare foods...  I am definitely feeling it.  As a true life style change - I need to roll with the punches and make the best of every situation - which is exactly what I am trying to do.

Since my last update - Allison and I took her graduation trip to Disney in January - this was a fabulous and cold trip for us.  I've never experienced cold like I experienced in Florida while we were there - and this is coming from a hearty Minnesotan - Yah - I was pretty disappointed in myself.  LOL

A few photos from that trip...

We were also able to spend some time with Harry Potter and our good friend Santos on this trip - and that was an amazing day too! 

Overall - aside from the weather - I truly enjoyed spending this time one on one with Allison...  Considering that she graduates high school in just a few short weeks - these memories are some of my most cherished with her.







Upon returning home - we went straight into "painting the living room" - in preparation for Allison's graduation... This turned into a full blown remodel of the entire space...  And - as usual, it was way more work and way more labor intensive than we had planned.  However, I couldn't be more pleased with the outcome - for someone who has hated their house for so many years - to have a space that I truly love, it's been a new experience for me. 

And we just couldn't stop there...  This led to a full blown remodel of our kitchen, as well...  Again - it was much more labor intensive and it's taking much more time than we had hoped...  but it's coming together nicely and I couldn't be more thrilled with it. 

Over these last several months, I've come to terms with the fact that I have an old house (built in 1890) - and I've learned to embrace that, work with it and actually learn to love it.  It's been a lot of fun and a very enjoyable experience...  Something that is very new to me and very fun.  I am dying to share pictures here of the kitchen remodel - but it's not finished yet, so I will hold off.  ;)  We've been able to keep what we loved about our kitchen (which wasn't much - lol) and add some fun things that really keep with the charm and character of our house.  I have a feeling, this will also be a space that I love.

Anyways...  My apologies for being such a sporadic updater here... Life is terribly hectic right now and it doesn't look like it will slow down anytime soon.

D~

I just returned from another trip,

And it was a great one!

 Through out this journey, I've transformed and I've watched my body change...  This is a very difficult process.  For some people, it's the lack of food and starvation that leads to size loss.  For others, like me, we choose to do it in a healthy and slow manner, in the hope that we will be able to make these changes last a life time.

This process has been a very hard one for me, I've tried new things - some of which I love, some of which I hate and some of which I dislike, but I continue to do because I know it's good for me. 

Over the last 16 months, despite my best (and sometimes, not so best) efforts, I've plateaued.  I struggle with the frustration of this a lot.  It weighs on my mind heavily.  I try not to focus on the negative, because by nature - I am a pretty positive person...  but how I see myself is a very personal thing.

During an amazing Disney trip last week - I was feeling  pretty good...  Bloated from the different foods I was consuming, but for the most part I felt good.  I was able to walk with out complaint, and at the end of the day, I was tired (for sure), but I wasn't in pain, and I didn't feel like I was out of shape at all.

But on day 5...  This picture was taken by a Photopass photographer, and it really hit me hard.  Harder than I expected and I was truly unprepared for what it did to me.

When I look at the above photo, I just cringe...  Overall, it's a great photo....  but see that over hang on my back, under my right arm?  Yup - that little thing right there has really got me down.  It's something I can't help...  I assure you, my sports bra is not too tight...  The fact is, I have excess skin.  There is nothing I can do about it...  All of the aerobics/running/weightlifting in the world is not going to make my stretched out skin go back to what it was 20 year ago.  Yet, my brain cannot seem to get past what it sees there.  And I am pretty down on myself about it.  I'd love to go back in time and tell my 20 y/o self that a low fat starvation diet every 12 weeks, and the binge eating it led to afterwards, is not a healthy thing - but that is just not possible.  So, I have to get past this.

In order to do that...  I am doing the best I can to focus on the positive.  And really work on the things I CAN change...  Coming home from a trip like that - and carrying extra bloat is a difficult thing.  I've done it before, and I will do it again.  The most important thing - for me - is not to waste any time.  Yes, we all go on vacation - we all splurge...  But immediately, upon returning home, get back into it.  Don't let the vacation spill over into real life...  The very next morning - do an activity - do it right away in the morning, set yourself up for success.  Make sure you have good food in the house - don't tempt yourself with crap.  Plan ahead...  Make a few batches of your favorite go-to healthy foods, and stick to those for a few days... It works - it truly does.  The main thing is to just keep going.  I've done it to myself, I've seen countless others do it - working so hard for a vacation or an event, you let that event become your final goal, and slip into a tailspin immediately upon returning home...  Don't let that be you.  I won't let that be me. 

I will focus on what is good and right in my world.  The successes I have had and the successes I want to continue to have...  Because I did have many, many other great photos while I was on this trip, and I cannot let just one of them lead to the unraveling of everything I've accomplished so far!

Being committed to a healthy lifestyle isn't always easy...  Not only is it a physical battle, but it's a mental battle too.  I still have many of the same cravings as I used to - but I find that I prefer (mostly) foods that are whole and nutritious...  That being said...  I still struggle.  And I am still very critical of myself, and more often than not, it's difficult for me to see what others see, or the successes I've had, it's so much easier for me to focus on the work I have left to do.

I love that I inspire people - inspiring people, in turn, inspires me to continue on...  It's an amazing circle and one that I am so fortunate to be a part of.  I have people in my life that continue to inspire me, and propel me forward - and I really thrive on that.  Words of encouragement are truly a confidence builder for me, and I don't know that I could do any of this with out all of the people who support me and cheer me on. 

D~

I really hate finding titles for my blog posts...

I can write, no problem...  but trying to title something - well, it's probably the hardest part of blogging.

Hmmm...  It's been a month again.  Whoops - I've just been so busy!

I have so many things going on!

As far as my healthy living lifestyle - life is good!  I am slowly, but surely, bumping up my running endurance, by gaining mileage slowly.  I love going out and pushing myself to go further, go longer, go faster! 

In the last month - I've completed my first 2 5k races...  6 days apart.  I had a lot of fun doing both of them...  And I have dreams of doing many more in the future! 

 

I've also been running a lot of hills.  Due to where we live, hills are abundant - and I have my choice to run any of them, for that matter - it's pretty hard to find flat land anywhere nearby...  So, hilly runs are my life.  I finally tackled one of the bigger ones in our area last week, and I was so proud of myself!  I still have the biggest one on the other side of it to do - which won't happen for a while yet, probably not until spring.

I also did my very first 5 mile run last weekend!  That was awesome!  I was able to do it in my home town with one of my cousins - who is also one of my very BFFs - we grew up together and we are incredibly close - so it was a lot of fun to share this with her!

I've decided that I really want to get these last few sizes off - so I plan to add some Beachbody workouts to my routine.  Many people love them, and have success with them, so I hope it give me the kick in the rear that I need.

Also, I just purchased a Fitbit Charge...  That was a difficult decision...  Target is running a promotion for Team Members - We could choose a Fitbit Zip for free, a Fitbit Flex for 50% off, or a Fitbit Charge, Charge HR, or Surge for 25% off.  In the end - even though the discount wasn't as great, I decided on the plain ol' Charge...  I really just wanted the actual read-out on my wrist, and I really don't care about knowing my heart rate.  So far, I am happy with my decision.  I love seeing how active I am, and how well I sleep.  For the record - most days - I am pretty active, especially on my run days...  And I sleep really well.  So, it's cool to track all of this.

In non-running news...  I am prepping for my next Disney trip!  I am so excited for this one!  I have most of my bags finished and ready, and my outfits all lined up and packed - even if it is way too early to begin packing.  ;)  It never hurts to be prepared.  I am going with two of my very best friends - and I cannot wait to share this experience with them!

I think that's about all for this post.  I've just been running, and lifting and running some more!

D~

 

 

 

Reflections...

So... While going through some old photos last night, I stumbled upon this photo of me taken in November of 2012.... To refresh your memory a little bit... My journey started in March of 2012 with strict Weight Watchers and excessive cardio... By August of 2012, I was completely burned out, and as dedicated as I was before, I became the opposite and completely gave up - yet again. So, this photo was taken in the midst of my size climbing back up... I didn't get my head back into the game ~fully~ until March of 2013... So, this photo isn't even the "worst of the worst".

 

Upon scrolling past this photo last night, I had to stop and back up, then zoom in. I was shocked! It looked like someone I once knew, and old friend, the old me. I sat there and stared at this photo for quite some time, and as I sat there and stared at it, I remembered how I felt all of the time... How I was almost scared to live every day. I was reminded of how difficult it was for me to move, how I could barely roll over in bed, or walk up my stairs to go to work, how difficult it was to stand, or walk, or get in and out of the shower. At the age of 37, my life was that of someone twice my age, someone I'd come to accept as society's description of "normal aging"... There were so many things I couldn't do, so many things I didn't even try to do. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror, and every time I put on my clothes - I stared at myself in disbelief, because the person staring back at me was lonely, sad and defeated.

It was sometime during the time this photo was taken, the person you see there, she began to really analyze her life... tried to put the pieces back together... Started researching on how to do right by herself, and her family. It was that person right there who had the courage to take a different path, the courage to find her own way, and the determination to start on a journey with no map and no compass. Just the sheer will for a better life, a life with purpose and a life that was truly enjoyable.

I remember laying in bed one night... Really on the brink of despair... not knowing where to turn or where to start. Truly, the hardest part of this journey was to find the starting line. I always talk about going slow... but if you were to ask the person above, how slow is slow? She wouldn't have been able to give you an answer, because even though she wanted to go slow and make the changes last, she wanted the loss and recognition to be instantaneous. There is nothing that person could have done to prepare her for the journey that was unfolding right in front of her eyes.

Never once, did that person realize what her life was about to become. A life of a weak person that barely had the strength to move about her day and accomplish the simplest of things... Was about to evolve into a strong person - a person stronger than she ever thought possible, a person with very few health problems, a person with confidence, and true joy for life and the people in it, a person - in her wildest dreams - she never thought she even desired to be.

I've said it many times before... It's taken a lot of courage to find a path that was unique only to me... A path that I could forge on my own - whether others have been there or not - the key for me, was finding things I enjoyed doing... And never, no matter what, push myself and force myself to eat things that I didn't like (because they were "healthy") or to force myself to exercise in a way that wasn't enjoyable. It led me on a path I didn't expect to find - ever. It led me on a journey of self discovery. It led me to find my own way.

I've faced many criticisms over the years. People, friends & family who thought I was crazy for taking the path less traveled, because it was right for me. Each person who didn't believe, drove me even further into believing in myself... And believing that my chosen path was the correct path. Those people forced me to learn to trust in myself - they gave me the power I needed to push forward and continue on. And they forced me to analyze every single detail, insuring that I truly was doing the absolute best thing for me. It wasn't easy, and many times I had to prove myself and my intentions to the people who are closest to me, making them see that I was doing what was right - even if it wasn't right for them. But in the end, I truly believe they are proud of me, and for the most part, don't question my ways anymore. They see the person I've become, and I do think they are proud of me.

I look at my life now, and how it's changed, it's very difficult to imagine how I once was. Yet, in the very same breath - I see and feel that person every time I look in the mirror. I struggle with this a lot, because no matter how much I improve my life, I am not sure I can ever truly run from who I was or where I started. I still struggle with how I see myself, and how others see me. Some days, I do look in the mirror, and the person I see looking back at me, is the same person you see above. It might sound convoluted, but I think many people who have been in my shoes struggle with this very same thing. It's totally a mental thing, and I think the only way to overcome it is time... Lots and lots of time.

This journey is an endless one. I say this a lot. Sure, I have a goal size... and if you've read all of my healthy living updates, you'll know that I've been stuck at this size for well over a year. Even though I have truly "plateaued" - that doesn't keep me from trying new things and trying every single day to start over and make it the best day I can make it. I think that is a huge key.... I could very easily shout "failure" from the roof-tops just because I am stalled... but rather than convince myself I am a failure for not reaching my goal with in a given time... I've convinced myself that I am never a failure, unless I quit trying. So, I try... Every day... Every meal... Every snack... I try. Some days, I try harder than others... but I always try.

There is no end here... It is always me against myself... Finding ways to make this work for me... Finding what truly makes life enjoyable and working that into my day, any way I can. Finding purpose and drive where I never thought I could find it. THAT is the goal - that is the true goal. Losing size and looking better is all a side effect of conquering my health and being absolutely the best person I can be, day after day, week after week, year after year.

 

Checking in...

It's been a crazy few weeks here, and with school starting, and my fitness journey taking a new turn - it's been quite fun and interesting.

For a while there, it seemed like things were just humming along at a pretty boring pace...  You know - just the same ol' same ol'...  but now that I've added running to my journey, the same boring stuff has taken on new meaning and focus.

My eating is still pretty good, most days...  I try really hard to still focus on eating non-processed foods and very little crap.  Although, sometimes it's really hard.  Doing my best is still better than doing nothing at all though.

My weight lifting has been awesome!  I think that lifting weights is super important for my running, and just my over all fitness.

And lately -  I've been doing a little walking and a little Walk Away the Pounds, depending on my schedule and time...  And, of course, my mood.  I am trying really hard to do the things I "feel" like doing and not necessarily things I "have" to do.  There's a difference. 

And, my running is improving - I am very excited about this.  I am still very slow - but as they say - I am still lapping everyone on the couch...  So?  It's a great work out for me, and something I enjoy doing immensely - especially when I am done.  I no longer have sore knees or feet...  Although - I am diligent about stretching after and icing after.  I think this is super important. 

I have my first race coming up, and I am beyond excited about this - this is something I never thought I would or could do...  So, just knowing my body is strong enough and my endurance is up - it's just a great thing and something I am very proud of. 

 

In other news...  I have my first Disney trip of the year paid off.  Woohoo!  Only 2 more to go...  I am very excited for all of these trips - as all of them are with very important people in my life, and to be able to experience Disney with all of them - well, it's going to be fabulous!

And a final photo...  I love this picture...  My shoulders, arms, neck and face... Not to mention that this is my youngest daughter's tank top.  Just all of it thrills me beyond belief...  I've worked so hard to get to this point, and to become healthier.  I just never thought I would be here at this time in my life...  I see this as such a great accomplishment.  Sometimes I get stuck on what I still have left to achieve, but then I remember how far I have come, and the amazing strides I have taken - and I am so proud of myself...  My independence, my self-confidence...  All of it.  I have never been happier in my life or with the people in my life.  It's just a wonderful time.   

 

I seriously have so many things I am looking forward to in the coming months...  There are several races I have my eyes on...  I cannot wait to prove to myself that I have what it takes.  With my Disney trips coming up - I am looking forward to running in Disney - which ever resort I happen to be staying at...  But just to be in that place and to be able to run...  It's going to be magnificent!  I am also looking forward to running in the winter here...  Winter has never been a season I really enjoy - I tend to hibernate through much of it - but this year, I am really looking forward to getting out there and experiencing it like I never have before.  I've been eyeing different trails, and finding new places to explore... It's going to be an amazing adventure!

It's been (whoa!) 8 months!

Yup - I am an awful blogger...

I really shouldn't be blogging at all.  But - occasionally - I remember my log-in info and I remember to come back here to update.

I am still here...  I am still working hard at becoming healthier.  I am still stalled out at the exact same size I was last summer - the only difference is that my hair is longer, and maybe my muscle percentage is higher.  Sigh.  I guess, I could really tighten my belt buckle and starve myself to get to a smaller size...  but I am determined to live my life and enjoy my life, so - starving is not an option for me.

But...  I have found a new love...  I know - I know...  I said I never would, and then I did.

After our trip to the lake over the 4th of July, and my new-found love of walking, enjoying the scenery and just being outside...  I decided to continue those walks a few times per week at home...  Ahhh, but then, one day I decided to run.  And I found - a dream of mine fulfilled...  Thanks to my years (yes, it's been years now) of heavy lifting, my muscles were actually strong enough to carry my body while running...  Slow running - but running just the same.  I'll take it. 

The last several weeks have been devoted to learning how to breathe, slow down (like, seriously - I walk faster than I run) and proper posture while I am running - which isn't easy.  And also building endurance. 

See...  I've always wanted to be a runner - as far back as I can remember...  but due to ~ahem~ my (ashamed) years of smoking, several knee injuries, plantar fasciitis, and just my general lack of fitness, there was NO way my previous body could handle such a task... No matter how small I was, I was just never fit enough.  There IS a difference.

Oooh, and the running clothes...  Oh - they are sooo CUTE!  I am addicted to them!  It's so fun to shop for running clothes, and it's so fun to go out and look like I mean business.  Hahaha.  Right now, I am prepping for winter running...  Shopping last year's clearance deals to find myself a few things to stay warm in this bitter MN climate.  It's not easy - but I am so addicted to Pinterest, and I've learned a lot there...  There's so much to know about how to dress and how to layer, and what to wear.  Honestly - I HATE winter...  I don't ever leave the house unless it's absolutely necessary...  but to be honest - I am really looking forward to learning to like this season I've grown to hate.  I do find it some-what romantic to be able to go for a nice run in the freshly fallen snow...  Eeep, Christmas lights...  I love Christmas!  I probably won't find it very romantic once the end of February rolls around though... 

So, now I am aiming for loftier dreams...  Yes - I want to participate in a RunDisney event.  Not just any event, but I am shooting for a half-marathon in 2017.  Which I think is very doable...  And since the 2016 events are already full, I think that 2017 works perfectly for me.  :)  ACK!!!  Dressing up for a race = right up my alley!

I am hoping to do a local 5k  in September and an 8k in November.  This will be interesting, considering I have a Disney trip mid-November...  So I will have to run a little while I am down there.  Ack - I think I am crazy!  I must be!

I am still walking a little bit too...  but I am doing my best to take specified days off and really just enjoy this process and what my body is finally able to do.  As this is truly a dream that I never ever thought I could do, and to finally be able to do this, well - I am still in a little bit of shock.

I promise to try to be a better blogger from now on.  At least, now I have something exciting (to me anyways) to write about.  :)

D~

 

Still Whole30-ing along

Today is day 19 of my Whole30, and I am feeling quite confident.

I love this way of eating!

Many people question me about my choices and wonder how I can "give up" so much...  To be quite honest, I don't feel as if I am giving up anything, really.  But looking back, I've been headed this direction for almost 2 years now (can't believe it's been that long!) - and this is kind of the last step in my process. 

I've done this very slowly...  First giving up Soda for lent in 2013...  Then over the remainder of that year, elminiating anything that came from a box, can or bag...  Researching a lot about diet and nutrition, I stumbled on to Marksdailyapple and discovered that "heathly whole grains" are not really healthy - so in December of 2013, I kicked those to the curb as well...  And now here I am, the final pieces to the puzzle...  Any remaining sugars and dairy - poof - gone! 

I am not sure I could have given all of this up at one time, it would have been way too hard.  But doing it slowly, and systematically has been a really good thing for me.  It's allowed me to really research and understand the "why", and make this a life change.  My life and who I am has been transformed!

When I tell people that it's taken me years to get to this place, I think their eyes cross & they zone out a little bit...  It seems to me that most people can't see beyond the "quick fix" - they want all of the glory - never mind all of the work and dedication it takes to get here.  There is a time commitment, and for me, I've decided that it will be for the rest of my life - however long that may be? 

I watch friends/family go on their diet binges for the next big event or goal, and I do cry a little.  I have a hard time remembering that even though this works for me - it may not work for others.  But I see the items they feed themselves, and it makes me so sad...  Chemical substitutes and pitri dishes of who knows what, disguised as food...  And no one ever second guesses it, just because it's for sale in the grocery store, or it's been approved by the FDA, does not make it food.

But I keep pressing on, I cannot let what others do with their lives affect what I do with mine.  After all, I can tell them what I do until I am blue in the face, but most people are put off immediately because it's "too hard"...  Really it's not.  It's actually quite easy...  Once the chemicals are gone, the chemicals that keep you addicted to the crappy "food", it's acually quite easy to see them for what they are, and to taste that they really do taste like crap - after that, it's super easy.  I have absolutely no desire for any of that anymore.

So...  Day 19 you say...  Yup...  Any changes?

Not really...  I still feel the same.  I feel like I've lost a bit in my gut...  Which is good.  I do feel smaller over all.

Boundless energy?  Not really.

Mircacles?  Nope.

In all fairness, I really didn't have any food allergies to start with though - so I wasn't looking for this Whole30 to give me any insight into any of that.

But I feel good.  I feel right.  I don't feel any guilt for eating things I shouldn't. 

I am really looking forward to what these next 11 days bring for me, there is still time for an unknown miracle.  <3

D~