Through out this journey, I've transformed and I've watched my body change... This is a very difficult process. For some people, it's the lack of food and starvation that leads to size loss. For others, like me, we choose to do it in a healthy and slow manner, in the hope that we will be able to make these changes last a life time.
This process has been a very hard one for me, I've tried new things - some of which I love, some of which I hate and some of which I dislike, but I continue to do because I know it's good for me.
Over the last 16 months, despite my best (and sometimes, not so best) efforts, I've plateaued. I struggle with the frustration of this a lot. It weighs on my mind heavily. I try not to focus on the negative, because by nature - I am a pretty positive person... but how I see myself is a very personal thing.
During an amazing Disney trip last week - I was feeling pretty good... Bloated from the different foods I was consuming, but for the most part I felt good. I was able to walk with out complaint, and at the end of the day, I was tired (for sure), but I wasn't in pain, and I didn't feel like I was out of shape at all.
But on day 5... This picture was taken by a Photopass photographer, and it really hit me hard. Harder than I expected and I was truly unprepared for what it did to me.
When I look at the above photo, I just cringe... Overall, it's a great photo.... but see that over hang on my back, under my right arm? Yup - that little thing right there has really got me down. It's something I can't help... I assure you, my sports bra is not too tight... The fact is, I have excess skin. There is nothing I can do about it... All of the aerobics/running/weightlifting in the world is not going to make my stretched out skin go back to what it was 20 year ago. Yet, my brain cannot seem to get past what it sees there. And I am pretty down on myself about it. I'd love to go back in time and tell my 20 y/o self that a low fat starvation diet every 12 weeks, and the binge eating it led to afterwards, is not a healthy thing - but that is just not possible. So, I have to get past this.
In order to do that... I am doing the best I can to focus on the positive. And really work on the things I CAN change... Coming home from a trip like that - and carrying extra bloat is a difficult thing. I've done it before, and I will do it again. The most important thing - for me - is not to waste any time. Yes, we all go on vacation - we all splurge... But immediately, upon returning home, get back into it. Don't let the vacation spill over into real life... The very next morning - do an activity - do it right away in the morning, set yourself up for success. Make sure you have good food in the house - don't tempt yourself with crap. Plan ahead... Make a few batches of your favorite go-to healthy foods, and stick to those for a few days... It works - it truly does. The main thing is to just keep going. I've done it to myself, I've seen countless others do it - working so hard for a vacation or an event, you let that event become your final goal, and slip into a tailspin immediately upon returning home... Don't let that be you. I won't let that be me.
I will focus on what is good and right in my world. The successes I have had and the successes I want to continue to have... Because I did have many, many other great photos while I was on this trip, and I cannot let just one of them lead to the unraveling of everything I've accomplished so far!
Being committed to a healthy lifestyle isn't always easy... Not only is it a physical battle, but it's a mental battle too. I still have many of the same cravings as I used to - but I find that I prefer (mostly) foods that are whole and nutritious... That being said... I still struggle. And I am still very critical of myself, and more often than not, it's difficult for me to see what others see, or the successes I've had, it's so much easier for me to focus on the work I have left to do.
I love that I inspire people - inspiring people, in turn, inspires me to continue on... It's an amazing circle and one that I am so fortunate to be a part of. I have people in my life that continue to inspire me, and propel me forward - and I really thrive on that. Words of encouragement are truly a confidence builder for me, and I don't know that I could do any of this with out all of the people who support me and cheer me on.
D~
