The mirror...

I still struggle a lot with how I see myself.

Some days, I look in the mirror and see who I was.

Some days, I look in the mirror and see who I am.

And some days, I look in the mirror and see who I want to be.

I think a lot of people struggle with this...  I am certain I am not alone.

I believe, a person really needs to be able to see all 3 to keep themselves moving in the right direction.

When I see the person I was, sometimes it motivates me and sometimes it makes me feel ashamed.  Even though I am no longer that person - I still remember the hopelessness I felt, and that constant instinct to hide.  I always felt as if I was doomed to live that life forever, trapped in a body that wasn't my own...  I see pictures from that time, and I often wonder how I lived like that?  How and why did I let it happen?  But this motivates me to push harder to achieve my goals, and concentrate on eating what makes me feel healthy and good.

When I see the person I am, I struggle a lot with seeing how far I have come and how far I have left to go.  It's not often I see both at the same time.  I am getting closer and closer every day to an undefined goal, and I am really proud of myself for that! 

When I see the person I want to be, I know that I am not there yet.  But I know I can do it...  I realize that I am strong enough to continue on.  I know this journey has given me so much more than size loss and will continue to do so.

There comes a time, though - when it's not will power or motivation that keeps me going...  It's the fact that I have changed my life so drastically, and the changes I have made are now effortless...   It's not even a matter of this lifestyle being a struggle - it's not.  I really enjoy this, and I enjoy who I've become, the body I have taken back, and the health I've gained.  There is no going back, I can never imagine myself as that person again.

D~